what to do?

medicine is killing me...
medicine is making me so like ....FAKE!

and yeah...planning is killing me...

and like when i sometimes pluck my courage up...it always fail in that way?
i know things would NEVER happen...but why am i still so like damn concerned?

sometimes i thought it would be good never to be concerned....never to care...never to talk...never to do anything...
but it's like i just can't help it when it comes to this and that.

sometimes i wish i could leave this school...
sometimes i wish i could just get memory lost and forget everything except God...
but reality is....what are the chances of all these coming true.
what is the chance of having what i hope and desire for come true? answer is none...and never.

and when i asked. i think i was so like stupid to add in and throw in other questions because i got myself more shit? perhaps RX was right...